:(

I hate it all.

A little bit of Wild

Why do I have two blog accounts? (oh most random, I just ate a really good Hot-dog bun)..

anyway, yeah so seriously. WHY do I have two blog accounts ?!

Easy, this one is where I write about my non-nonsensical nonsense, and my other blog is to write about my personal work, my photography and other media-centered things that I am currently excited about! :)

I keep these two things separate because indeed, I AM BI-POLAR, to a certain extent.. and once I begin digging back and re-editing my work, I'm probably going to start a THIRD blog about NOTHING just to confuse you all!! har har... no not really- at least not yet. Still trying to get my act together. Things are going well, I'm moved back, settled back into my house. My room is somewhat cleaner than it was 2 months ago. We're dry-walling my 1st floor this weekend.. so hopefully this will give me a awesome large workspace in which I can call my studio; which will be warmer- (thankgoodness for insulation!) and just a nice place to relax and finally get some editing done. I have so much work sitting in front of me it's just crazy!

Career boat is moving somewhat. I have finally gotten more accustomed to having a full time job, juggling my own personal work, and juggling my personal life. So we'll see where this leads !

Is this it?

I feel as though I've hit a brick wall.

I want to stop doing a lot of the things that I used to love because it doesn't feel the same as it used to years ago.

I think that is my horrible personality.

I'm too fickle. I should change.

Not Yet a Vacation

I'm home. For good.

Life doesn't seem to be giving me a break though. Why do I have to think about re-paying loans ALREADY? Give me a 6 month grace period like you said! Ugh.

I'm so stressed out and I'm worried (i know I shouldn't be, everything will go according to His will... but..) I'm tired and my throat is really sore. I don't like it when things don't work out the way it was planned! I really hope I can do all of this the next few days...

...

I've had a rough weekend.

Goodbye Rochester

I sat through Part A of commencement ceremony today. It was definitely interesting. Granted; it was crowded and a little overwhelming to see so many students next to me but it was also pretty empowering to sit and listen to the speeches that my president and our speaker (the newly appointed CEO of Xerox) had to say. It was also really sad.

Yesterday, I had my final crit, then I met with my parents for dinner- they had just gotten in from NYC, and then afterwards I went over to Dan's place for a final "hoo-rah". As we were there, the old group, Dan, Brian, Oronde, Jocelyn, Eric, Min, Petros and even Josh were all there. It was really weird. We haven't really met up this entire term, but I remember last year, we used to hang out all the time. I mean, that apartment was my second HOME. I used to be over at Dan's place almost everyday... I was even designated my own living space. So much has changed since then, and I remembered all the crazy, stupid stuff we did, and all the fun times we went through.

I was sitting at home, packing up all my things and it hit me so hard. I am never going to have that kind of lifestyle again. My easy, care-free, day to day thoughts about projects that mean nothing are over. I am probably wrong, in every sense, because I'm sure as time continues, there will be even great experiences and even better memories to be made.. but it just seems like I'm too impatient right now to really see it anytime soon.

In two words, I'm scared.

Tomorrow night is my major commencement ceremony. I'm really excited for it and pretty nervous about it too. It will be the actual end, but at least I will get to be with some of the people that I loved for 3 years before we part ways and never really have this RIT bubble again.

It's hard to explain what excitement and fear mixed together is really called. They should invent a word for it. Well, okay, I WILL. Let's call it "excitlefear". All right everyone, please begin using my word "excitlefear".

The Strangest Dream of All.

I had a really packed weekend and now I am completely exhausted. I had 4 people at my apartment this weekend visiting.. and it was just a number to keep everyone happy.. it was a lot of fun though- but this morning I woke up late for work.. I woke up AT 8:00 am, when I was suppose to be at work at 7:45. It was horrendous and I ran there. I got there at 8:30.. and then had a horrible morning working and checking all this equipment in. I was so tired I wanted to collapse. I've been tired this entire week.. I'm STILL sore from Turbo Kick from last Tuesday and my body really needs a rest. I only got like 4 hours of sleep last night and that isn't enough to carry me through. I just took a 2 hour nap before and had the freakiest dream.

I dreamt that my coworker took me to this mountain to learn this African dance.. and the dancers would slowly followed you and capture you forever and it was so freaking scary and they kept showing up everywhere I went... it was horrible. I woke up in a sweat. Then I had to make myself go to class.. and I almost fell asleep in class. Now I'm back in the lab catching up on EVERTYHING.

Wow, I am stressed out. I just want to sleep for hours and hours and hours.

I'm still waiting on someone's answer for a job too. They haven't emailed me back yet and it's making me extra nervous.