The Strangest Dream of All.

I had a really packed weekend and now I am completely exhausted. I had 4 people at my apartment this weekend visiting.. and it was just a number to keep everyone happy.. it was a lot of fun though- but this morning I woke up late for work.. I woke up AT 8:00 am, when I was suppose to be at work at 7:45. It was horrendous and I ran there. I got there at 8:30.. and then had a horrible morning working and checking all this equipment in. I was so tired I wanted to collapse. I've been tired this entire week.. I'm STILL sore from Turbo Kick from last Tuesday and my body really needs a rest. I only got like 4 hours of sleep last night and that isn't enough to carry me through. I just took a 2 hour nap before and had the freakiest dream.

I dreamt that my coworker took me to this mountain to learn this African dance.. and the dancers would slowly followed you and capture you forever and it was so freaking scary and they kept showing up everywhere I went... it was horrible. I woke up in a sweat. Then I had to make myself go to class.. and I almost fell asleep in class. Now I'm back in the lab catching up on EVERTYHING.

Wow, I am stressed out. I just want to sleep for hours and hours and hours.

I'm still waiting on someone's answer for a job too. They haven't emailed me back yet and it's making me extra nervous.

Photography

I've come to a lot of decisions lately.
It's about 6 more weeks til graduation. My future is laying there right in front of me. All this time that I've been at RIT, there was one set goal in my mind- to become a successful photographer.

I believe I work hard. I want so badly to succeed. My dad said something very interesting to me the other night, I was tired, I was stressed out- so of course on my gtalk msg, I was like, "I'm becoming a workaholic". So then my dad msgs and says, "Please don't become like that. I hope you become average like your dad." That hit a huge nerve on me. I don't want to be average- I want to be a success. I WANT success. I don't want to be working so hard only to fail miserably. I realize that this path I chose for my future will leave me with millions of little failures- I am okay with that, but the end goal is that I want to succeed.. and have my work seen by people. I love my dad, I think he is the purest example of a man who worked so hard, and was so successful, he had 3 great children, 2 of which are successful .. and one more that's still in the works (that's me), an amazing grandson, and two wonderful children-in-laws and a wife that will never stop loving him. But I feel like right now I am in this stage where I want my career to be a high priority.

I was sitting in critique today with 20 of my other fellow seniors in my major. A lot of them had complete garbage on the wall. Some girl even had the nerve to say, "I just took this picture while I was procrastinating". I was appalled- and I wasn't the ONLY one who was annoyed that someone would say something like that. Why would you waste your classmates time in this time where it was meant to have other photographers look at your work and give your constructive criticism so you could improve? You are wasting our time by putting up garbage. Another girl in my class blurted out, "You're a senior now, and this is how much work you put in?!". Honestly, it's crunch time, if you want to be a photographer- you need to work HARD, harder than ANYONE. There is SO much competition out there, and if you dont put your soul and heart into your work- then you will get no where. Your portfolio should be top notch, you need to eat, sleep and breath photography- there is no other way.

Doesn't my life sound somewhat fun?
I know what lays ahead of me, and I get burnt out once in awhile, but I know what I love, and to make amazing images is something I love. I've worked so hard already and I'm not about to give up either. Every shoot that I've had these past 2 weeks have taken so much energy out of me, but I also love the feeling I get when I look at my contact sheets and I say to myself, "I can't believe I shot that!". I LOVE that feeling and I never want to lose it. I also want to share with the world!!

and that is why I do what I do.

French Vanilla

I seriously love waking up to the sweet aroma for french vanilla coffee in the morning. It just makes me feel so warm and cozy. Love it.

I had plans to go to the mall and take the bus there.. but it was raining pretty hard so I then decided to spend the morning at home, (drinking my amazing coffee that my housemate made for me), and do some work in my living room. I realized that I like my apartment a heck of a lot. When its the morning and it's quiet, it's a really great place to relax. The windows are wide open, allowing daylight to flow into my living room- and I just love the open wide space. I got a lot of work done this morning- very inspiring.

I was suffering from major artists block this past few weeks, but I think it's finally subsiding. I am gaining the trust in myself to produce some amazing work again, and I'm already scheduled for 3 shoots this weekend. It's going to be crazy - but I'm ready, armed and excited for it.

It's almost time for work. Blah, I really don't want to go. 6-11pm. Sigh